“I realized that I feel more comfortable now that I don’t get to see specific people every day…and it’s a bit clearer who talks to me when he or she is bored, and who talks to me to make sure I’m okay. I decided every day to pray for someone new – a random person I know.
I’m also very busy with my projects. Oh, and yesterday we celebrated one of my friends’ birthday on conference – we were smiling so much. There was nothing to say, we just wanted to see each other. It is incredibly precious when you choose whom to talk to.” – Andrea Haddad, 19.
I don’t think I’ve ever missed my friends this much, even during summer vacations. Perhaps it’s because I know that, in summer, everyone is somewhere doing something; they’re either at the beach, in their hometowns, on road trips. Most importantly, I know everyone’s okay and healthy. I guess now that I know that my friends are all home, feeling anywhere from really well to highly anxious, it makes me miss them and want to see them a lot more, to be there physically to comfort them.
I guess that sometimes, when you’re used to physically seeing people every day, or every week, not being able to be with them feels like a part of your heart was taken away from you. Yesterday, a friend of mine sent me an article [1] that proposes to change the term ‘social distancing’ to ‘physical distancing’ – and it emphasizes the importance of putting in all effort to preserve our social connections. In fact, I find it incredible how much better video-chatting with my friends made me feel; laughing, complaining about university workload, and joking about how much we’re eating – like nothing has changed, or like we are all gathered around a single desk in class the way we always are. It’s so precious.
On a slightly different note from what Andrea said, a few years ago I decided to not open WhatsApp for a whole day. That day, I realized how many of the conversations I had daily were initiated by me. It bothered me at first, thinking no one wants to talk to me, and that I just dragged people into conversations. To tell you the truth, back then I measured my friendships by how often a person and I talked. I’m ashamed to say I did, but it’s true. I thought that if a person and I talked frequently or daily, that means we’re good friends. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize it was a self-validation tool – a way for me to feel important and appreciated among my friends.
I believe I’ve finally reached the point where it doesn’t matter at all who talks to whom first, or how often a person and I talk. In the end, what matters is who’s there for you when you want and need to talk. In the end, it’s more important to have a friend who tries his or her best to help you find a solution to your problem, even if the two of you don’t talk frequently. Moreover, I now believe that initiating a conversation means you miss a certain person, really want to check up on him or her, or saw something that reminded you of him or her (hoping it would make him/her smile).
Oh, and one last thing. It’s important to acknowledge that people can be busy, and some of them can be really busy. They can’t always reply back instantaneously or even in the next few hours. And even if they’re not occupied, perhaps they just decided to unplug. It’s normal. It’s time to let go of those toxic traits that hurt us and leave us with negative feelings towards someone. Remember, we have to preserve our social connections. Go ahead, talk to someone first, check up on that person, ask if everything’s okay, and don’t wait for quick replies. It’s even nicer to give that person a call just to say, “Hey, how are you? Nothing, I just wanted to check up on you,” don’t you think?
Wishing you all a good new day in quarantine. Take good care of yourselves. x
Found a New Home 