As I got out of bed this morning, I felt the pain clutching every single one of my back muscles. I stood up, shoulders dropped forward, barely able to straighten them, and looked directly at the mirror. I saw an ogre.
Oh, wait. That’s me.
I hate myself.
I decided that I am going to live off lettuce and cauliflower.
I am also going to workout intensively every day for 2 hours.
Maybe then, my thighs wouldn’t be so jiggly and my core wouldn’t be so much of an escalator.
Subsequently, I’ll like myself.
Crunch, crunch. Oh, crap. Did I just eat two breadsticks? Oh no. No, no, no. I wasn’t supposed…
I hate myself.
[…]
Why am I not seeing a difference? I’ve been working out rigorously every day with no rest days for two weeks.
I shouldn’t have eaten those three French fries on Sunday.
Now I’ll never reach my goal.
I hate myself.
[…]
Look, he has everything going on for him; the grades, the success, the friends, the talents, the dedication, the intellect, everything.
I will never be like him. I’m too short, too ugly, too fat, too much of an underachiever.
Should I do something? I’ve tried before but I’ve failed.
I hate myself.
[…]
They won’t talk to me because it’s my fault. I’m not smart enough.
Funny enough
Pretty enough
Good enough
Enough
I hate myself.
Hey,
We often find ourselves struggling with insecurities that mess up the way we perceive our surroundings and ourselves. The first given examples mainly revolve around appearances because nowadays, with the constant exposure to photos and videos of successful people in various fields (be it fitness, business, arts, academics, international relations, spirituality, etc.), it appears to be more difficult not to focus on what we don’t have.
Speaking from personal experience, this might just be one of the few reasons why I have this on-and-off, love-hate relationship with social media. I was long affected by what people did during their days.
Moreover, when a person is insecure about something, not only does it hinder a proper and stable personal life and mental health, but additionally hinders healthy relationships. Re-thinking everything you said and did in the past, wondering if it’s the reason why a relationship is not where it used to be, is absolutely detrimental. You might even start doubting people’s motives and behaviors. I’m sure we’ve all made mistakes that we regret, whether it’s something we said or something we did, but we have to remind ourselves that people don’t always see things the way we do; so what you might judge as catastrophic (or any negative adjective that fits your situation), other people might have overlooked and forgiven you a long time ago.
The media all around us is flooded with calorie-counter apps, modeling agencies, talks about becoming a young entrepreneur at the age of 20, ads about “sexy Asian girls looking for 40 year old men” (or other ads like this that just pop up when you least expect it), and the list goes on. Yes, some people have made something out of themselves at a young age. Yes, there are heart-throbs making money by looking attractive in expensive suits and dresses. Yes, there are young writers publishing their books back-to-back. Yes, there are self-made millionaires. Yes, those people exist.
♦
To whom it may concern,
On the behalf of everything and everyone, I want to say that I’m sorry some of you have learned to count calories instead of counting blessings.
Credit: @feminist
I’m sorry if you were taught that people won’t accept you if you didn’t look, behave, and/or think [in] a certain way,
If you were pressured into choosing a career path that was too remote from your passion because “it was best for your future”,
If you were bullied and considered taking your own life,
If you were raised to always live up to a certain standard and were punished if you failed to meet it,
If you have felt idiotic and incompetent because you were judged by your academic performance instead of your character and ideas,
If you were constantly compared to someone else who was better at something than you,
If you ever compared yourself to someone else for one reason or another,
If you ever thought, even once, that you weren’t enough.
One thing I find perplexing in our human nature is this superiority/inferiority spectrum we place ourselves on in the wake of different situations. In some scenarios, we discern ourselves as “better” than others, and in different scenarios, we feel insecure, incompetent, and unacceptable.
As I was finishing an assignment for my Evolution class, I came across an article that tackled the issue “Is the concept of ‘Race’ applicable to humans?” (full French document [1]). The ideas that struck me were the following:
Humans cannot be classified – they have one common origin and are not separated. Their variations are continuous, populations have always mixed and interpenetrated.
Think of blood transfusion: only the blood groups matter – the same everywhere, without reference to the physical aspects or to geographic origins. […] Therefore, the “black” populations in Africa, India, or the Pacific are genetically very different, and are each more related to a light-skinned population than they are to each other.
These three points really grasped my attention because not only did it shed a light on how there is no genetic factor that actually makes us superior to other individuals, but also how, even if we see all the differences among each other, we are all the same in the end.
Everybody feels insecure – without exceptions. Even those people who are living your dream. We are all the same. I’m not saying that there aren’t people who are actually better than us at whatever the field is – there always is and that’s undeniable. But looking at this context from this perspective makes it easier to face the world; knowing that every human goes through the same things alleviates the suffering and the excruciating feeling of insecurity, and on the contrary, should bring us closer to each other.
You may not have the perfect body, the greatest car, the most successful and million-dollar-maker job, the countless talents, the “prettiest face”, but you are enough and you are worthy of love and appreciation – if not from others, from yourself. And I am positive that each one of us is destined to meet the greatest people there is – ones that will love us for exactly who we are, and with whom we will write the greatest of stories.
My heart is with every person fighting every day to accept the reflection they see in the mirror, the path they have covered so far, or the “life status” they have currently reached. It’s good to want to improve in order to feel better, but it’s important to acknowledge when the dose becomes toxic.
Oh, and one last thing (oops). I have a VSCO profile on which I started a series called “People Who Matter”, and it includes some of the pictures I have taken of my friends. I’ve always loved taking pictures of people who mean to me because I think they’re beautiful souls in all sense of the word, and it’s my way of telling them I love them. Today, one of my close friends said to me, “I’m expecting the last “People who Matter” post to be a picture of yourself”, and it touched me so much. Plus I really felt like I should mention this tonight because it is tightly in-sync with what I’ve said so far – I matter, you all unconditionally matter.
I [should not] hate myself.
Found a New Home 