I promised I’d do this one, so here it goes.
TW: mentions of weight gain, weight loss, ED, body image.
I’ve seen a lot of posts that preach about breaking the demonization of weight gain; those posts are mainly photos of ED survivors in recovery, after they began eating better, developing a better relationship with food, and adopting healthy eating behaviors.
I find it absolutely wonderful that more people who had been struggling with EDs are seeking professional help and trying their best to recover, and this is something we should all encourage.
however, one thought crossed my mind when I saw a post similar to what I’ve just mentioned, and I don’t know how to feel about thinking that way.
I used to see this quite frequently on the page of a German influencer I used to follow: one post could be about not demonizing weight gain, or perhaps about not getting fooled by posing and good lighting, but her other posts—where she looks absolutely flawless, with all social-medially acceptable beauty traits—remind viewers of exactly why they have negative body image.
let me explain: we remind people around us that comparison is the hatchet that cuts our confidence down, that every person is living a unique and complex life, and that people grow at different rates. however, when it comes to body image, I feel like this is a much more sensitive issue. people are quite easily affected by the perfection they see online, and need just a little to feel bad about themselves. so, you can advise people not to compare themselves to others and, on the contrary, cheer each other on, but somehow giving them a reminder of exactly why they have negative perceptions of themselves? I don’t get it.
now, I’m sure this influencer definitely has no intention to get people to compare themselves to her, and she is just posting her art and her thoughts, but I don’t know how many of her followers feel like these posts send mixed messages.
I get it; posing makes us look good and feel better about the way we look in the mirror and/or in pictures. it boosts our confidence. it gives us a sort of proof that we are “just as beautiful as we should be.” therefore I understand why this influencer poses in her photos, and it’s her complete right, but I still feel like there is a contradiction between the posts.
I forgot to mention that this influencer is also an ED survivor. henceforth, I don’t know if I’m reading too much into the “don’t demonize weight gain” posts (in which the person still looks social-medially perfect) and thinking things that aren’t true. however, I do want to tell you something:
whenever we see such posts and compulsively begin to compare ourselves to the people in those pictures (because their weight gain does not look like ours), remember the following:
– our body mass fluctuates every day, so our worth and perception of ourselves should not be tied to something so unstable.
– every body’s weight gain looks and is different because our genetics is different. it makes no sense to compare two elements that are each so unique!
– applaud the people who have EDs for seeking help and encourage them to continue, even if the journey is difficult.
– online isn’t real.
– yes, do not demonize weight gain because food is as vital to your body as breathing. the same way you perpetually fill your lungs with oxygen, you should also be fueling your body with energy through food. it’s normal to eat and gain mass. totally normal.
– yes, influencers always try to influence others with their messages, no matter how unusual, contradictory, or mixed these messages could be. the important thing here is to remind ourselves that this is what influencers believe they’re supposed to do. they’re forced to continuously prepare content and have it ready before the sun rises again. if you feel like someone’s content is not making you feel well or is not inspiring you, simple: unfollow them.
– how about we cease the conversations about weight gain/weight loss, entirely? a friend of mine was telling me they lost a lot of weight during quarantine, but instead of congratulating them or making them “feel bad” for their change, I asked them if the weight loss was intentional or unintentional. people could be going through difficult conditions. let them know they can talk to you by giving them a space to talk! be kind!
– you are beautiful, and no one is you. I hope this reminds you of the special creation of God you are. xx
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