(not-so-uncommon) reflections of a grad student

“an object in motion stays in motion,” as concluded by one of science’s greatest minds, Isaac Newton.

I have officially defended my master’s dissertation this week, and when I tell you that I still haven’t processed it… I mean it. it feels so surreal to me that all what I’ve worked on in the last 5 months has now officially been presented in front of a panel and assessed. the project itself isn’t over, which is why I’m staying in france until the end of the month. maybe that contributes to my inability to process that the hard part is over.

however, all the rush of the past 5 months got me thinking about a reality that I’ve already discussed with at least 6 people, and that I’ve probably already tackled on here. but—the fact that this is still relevant and something people get frustrated over means that it still needs to be addressed.

so, I know a researcher who recently got awarded (one of?) the L’Oréal Women In Science Award/s for the year 2022. I cannot deny that she is an incredible scientist; her work mainly revolves around the valorization of agrowaste byproducts, and she never ceases to aim for bigger and higher.

while I am super proud to know someone like her, a post she recently shared to her facebook story got me scowling. she reposted a photo of elon musk with one of his quotes written on it. the quote said, “I work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and people still call me lucky.”

my first reaction was to take a screenshot. my second reaction was to send it to one of my close friends, telling her that we most certainly shouldn’t normalize this.

this got me thinking: why is hustle culture so deeply embedded in our minds, to the point where it feels wrong to be still?

just yesterday I was having this exact conversation with a family member. he was telling me about someone who keeps taking on more work and more responsibilities that aren’t even required from them. as he was explaining that this person puts themselves through continuous stress, my reply to that was, “when someone lives in the stress for long, they won’t feel comfortable living without it. it feels strange.”

and the nod he gave me says it all.

we proceeded to talk about my future and how everyone always expects something from everyone else. I mean it in the sense that you’re always expected to be doing something, to have a path carved out. you’re definitely supposed to think and plan every next phase of your life—why else do you think “where do you see yourself in five years?” is such a common and recurring question?

“an object in motion stays in motion” after all. ain’t nobody gonna stop now.

what upsets me as well is that whatever path you decide to take, there will be people who will benefit from you—not in a productive, let’s-help-each-other-out kind of way, but more in an exploitation kind of way. why? because they’ve been in that game for longer than you have, and know exactly how to get your promise.

wait, no. before that. people glamorize exhaustion and exploitation. I remember a tweet I once saw and in which the author declared, “my eyes look like this for my grades to look like this.”

the two photos side-by-side were one of her puffy, exhausted, sleep-deprived eyes, and the other was of excellent grades. I still am perplexed as to why this is….okay?

I repeat: I know I’m not the first one to talk about hustle culture and the way society glamorizes working yourself to the bone and/or working non-stop till you have a burnout. I know I haven’t said anything new so far.

the way I see it though, society looks at people with overworked lifestyles in one of three ways (with the first one being the more dominant perception):

1/ praise-worthy: many people who receive praise for their extensive work and relentless “perso-professional” life draw their worth and satisfaction from it, which in its turn pushes them to continue leading that lifestyle. these are often the people who have adapted to having something to do every minute of every day, and who look down on being “unproductive” (of course, their own definition of unproductive. drawing? why would you do that?) don’t get me wrong though. many people with similar packed lives aren’t haughty about it and actually sometimes complain about having so much to do, while paradoxically stating that they wouldn’t have it any other way. they don’t seek validation, but they still get praised for their juggling of seventy thousand things once someone finds out about it.

2/ work-a-holic (in the most negative of connotations): this label is assigned to people who are continuously grinding and classifies them as work-a-holics who put their work before family and relationships. these people can be seen as neglectful—especially when they’re parents, and unfortunately more when they’re the mother. but parents or not, these people are accused of valuing work over the other more social and personal important things in life.

3/ attention-craving: hilariously enough, this is applicable to the work-obsessed folks who happen to also be addicted to linkedin. you know them—they’re the ones who turn all their life experiences into motivational speeches. these people can be perceived as attention-craving because of how often they post, talk, or even boast about how much work they have to finish. these are also the people who need to let you know that they’re grinding hard to reach the outcomes they witness. they want you to know that nothing about the journey was easy but they still did it anyway. and while this undoubtedly could be very inspirational, I’ve heard a lot of comments about how all of this is exaggerated and frankly quite unnecessary. we have a common response in lebanon that goes like, “what? do you want me to applaud you?” and I feel that people with this perception of hustlers would want to answer that every chance they get.

back when I was still on twitter, I posted a rant about this very particular topic, especially that I had a lot of dues to meet for that month.

yesterday during my conversation with my family member, I was telling them about my impostor syndrome-esque thoughts telling me that I might not meet the standards and expectations of my future Ph.D. supervisors. these thoughts terrify me. anyone who tells me that this does not stem from hustle culture, and having to have everything the hard way, doesn’t know what they’re talking about. continuously having to fight for something or compete against the world’s greatest giants to get where you want to be is hustle culture. thinking that you cannot accept something that came to you easily is hustle culture. thinking that you perpetually have to be the crème de la crème is hustle culture.

forget the millions of linkedin posts that just reiterate that one line that drake once rapped: “started from the bottom now we here”. for one minute, look at yourself and repeat to yourself that you deserve to rest. my family member even suggested I dedicate a part of every one of my days to draw because it makes me feel good. they told me that they’d seen a maintenance crew stall while working on a machine’s maintenance because of their prolonged fatigue.

there certainly are days when you will have to work longer, come a little earlier to work, spend an extra two hours to finish a project or homework, squeeze in a little more work at home to finish something before your deadline, but this doesn’t have to be your life.

so what if we fail or don’t always meet expectations? so what if we leave at the time stated in our contracts? so what if things were easy? so what if we made things a little easier? so what if we humble ourselves and celebrate our victories on our own (away from linkedin)? so what if we turn off our laptops and forget our emails and work for one hour every day to read a book or watch an episode of a series that makes us happy?

let’s stop glorifying overworking. Newton didn’t only say that an object in motion must stay in motion, but he also said that for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. let your actions be calmer, fuller, and sufficient depending on the mental and physical resources available to you at every moment. allow the reactions to be just as calm and full. you don’t need to be like elon musk and work 16 hours a day to be successful. life doesn’t have to be difficult, and your life events don’t all have to be motivational stories (I am guilty of that one though). you deserve to rest and to take it in day by day. you are allowed to fail and not meet every expectations. you are allowed to acknowledge your “I don’t feel like…” days and allow your body to rejuvenate.

here I am as a grad student who is turning the page onto a new chapter of her life in the science field. I hope that I’ll come back to this post whenever I feel like life gets rough and overwhelming. I have to believe in myself. I have to trust that when things go down in life, they also come back up. I hope I’ll remember to direct my attention to the things that go right in my life.

you and me together.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

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songs I listened to while writing this post:

1. from the album HER by MR TOUT LE MONDE
2. from my hollow coves playlist

featured image from pexels.